PMD

1) The Onion had a funny lead today that made me laugh so I'm passing it on.

2) I <3 Battlestar Galactica. The new one, not the old one (although the old one was cool growing up). I started watching the series again for the third time while it is between seasons and it's still really, really good. I can't say enough good things about it. It's a mixture of action und comedy... (you suck McBain!) with uh drama instead of comedy. Yes, it's sci-fi, but it's one of the most entertaining and well written shows on tv because it covers such a wide range of underlying issues. I dare anyone to watch the miniseries (that started the new series) and not want to see the next episode. I dare!

3) Strongbad email. If you have never seen these, you're in for a treat. It's yet another mindless on-going internet thing about a cartoon-y character who checks his email and responds to weird questions. You'll get it if you watch it.

When I told a coworker about Fruity Loops, he made me watch one called Techno. Of course, I then had to watch the classics:

guitar
dragon
montage

Yes, I own a Trogdor t-shirt (thanks B), and no, I don't think I've worn it more than once outside of the confines of my apartment.

4) Tonight is the first round of softball playoffs...but I will sadly miss it in favor of going to my soccer team's practice. I need to be there to learn the kids' names and ya know...teach 'em stuff. The important thing is that I'll make it to the bar after the game. I expect a full recap people!

5) I had my yearly review today at work and was pleasantly surprised at both my boss' comments and the raise I got. He also said I should blog more at work, which I have to admit, is pretty sweet.

Fruity Loops: How I spent my evening.

Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy) is an espn.com columnist who is two parts sports, one part pop-culture. I've been reading his stuff for years and really enjoy it. Anyway, I was listening to his podcast tonight (can't link to it directly or I would) while reading a recap of his online chat with readers today. In it, he referenced a popular YouTube musician/beat mixer guy named Ronald Jenkees. Go there and search for his name, I'll wait.

You done? Ok, well I thought some of his stuff was kinda cool so I searched through his YouTube clips until I found what mixing software he uses. It's called FL Studio (Fruity Loops) and it's pretty f'n cool. I downloaded a demo and proceeded to waste about four hours playing around with it. (shutup, I did laundry ok? I accomplished something!) It's a cool sampling/mixing dealie with a TON of preset sounds and effects. I don't have the slightest idea how to use it correctly, and it's ridiculously clunky to use without a keyboard hooked up, but I was able to screw around and at least make myself giggle at the stuff I put together.

(Edit: Ok, now I'm pissed. I can't save anything in the demo version! I spent like 30 minutes tinkering with a drum beat and bassline, even got out my guitar to add some stuff over the top, and I can't save it. Damn you, Fruity Loops! *shakes fist* On second thought, I can't really stay mad at something called Fruity Loops...)

Ben, you'll like it. At least download the demo and mess with it.

Movie Reviews

I thought I would start off by describing my complex movie ranking system:

5/5: I loved the movie, probably own it, and could watch it again at any time and enjoy it.
4/5: I really liked the movie, would like to see it again and would probably buy it.
3/5: I liked the movie and would watch it if I caught it on tv (assuming I ever fix mine).
2/5: I didn't like the movie but it wasn't THAT terrible.
1/5: I want my two hours back and somebody owes me an explanation as to how they got funding.
0/5: This is reserved for The Avengers. I have yet to see a movie with big-name actors that was so painful to watch and made so little sense.

On to the reviews!

1) Eddie Izzard: Glorious (3/5)

More stand-up from Eddie Izzard. It wasn't as good as Dressed to Kill, but still funny. A few times I realized I had missed the last few jokes so I had to go back a minute or two...I should stop doing other things when I watch a movie I'm not 100% in the mood for. :)

2) Babel (2/5)

After one good review and one bad review, I went into this one with mixed feelings. :) The bad review was from my brother and since Netflix says our movie tastes are 97% similar, I should have assumed I'd feel the same way.

With a movie that revolves around a series of plotlines (like Crash), I like to see them connect in an unexpected or clever way. If the stories in this movie did, I missed it. The only connection I saw was guy 1 gives guy 2 a gun, guy 2's kids shoot woman with the gun. I never got sucked in and there were two whole stories I didn't care much about. Yes, life can be tragic and difficult, but I've seen movies like that many times. This one didn't do anything "new" and never made me feel like I wasn't watching a movie.

3) Spider Man 3 (2/5)

I wish I had two more hands so I could give this movie four thumbs down. Ok, it wasn't that bad, I just felt like using the Chappelle line. If you haven't read any reviews and still plan on seeing it, set your phasers to "meh." I thought the dialogue was bad throughout the movie and the acting was atrocious in the first third of it. The only reason it got "better" was because there was more action in the second and third...thirds.

If you've seen these, what did you think?

More links added

1) My brother has had a link to Indexed for a long time but I hadn't checked it out until now. It is one clever, clever site.

I'll warn you, though: you can easily spend waaay too much time sifting through the posts like I just did.

2) I Guess I'm Floating is another site I found through my brother's blog. I only skimmed this one, but with the sheer number of music links I felt I had to add it.

If you're looking for some new music, it might be a good place to start.

Wow! A small PMD milestone.

It's been just a week since I went "public" with this blog and I'm surprised at reaching 100 hits already. Yeah, yeah, yeah; it's not a ton, but it's more than I expected. I've been going with the "box of chocolates" approach and just posting whatever is on my mind at the time. Since that's "working", I'll stick with it but try to throw in some different things (maybe some trivia, top 5 lists, or things that are a little more interactive).

Anyhoo, thanks for reading and have a great Memorial Day weekend!

Coaching

Well last night was my first real attempt at coaching soccer and it was exactly like I expected: painful. Painful, but not because of the team, or that we lost 3-0 - I wanted to be out there! Sure, it was under 15s and I probably couldn't pass for a freshman in high school...but that didn't stop me from wanting to play lol. Can you blame me? I haven't played in a month! (My right achilles is saying, "I hate you and if you start playing, I'm gonna snap!")

Seriously though, as I said here yesterday, I wasn't sure if I could pass on what I see to the players and that was 100% true. I saw some fundamental things they need to work on (poor communication, poor marking on D) but it was hard to articulate it. I tried to learn the kids' names quickly but I couldn't match the play on the field with the player's name or face so I could talk to them about it on the sideline. I really need to make it to a practice soon. (I might have to miss softball next Wednesday...*gasp*)

Under-15s is a great age to start coaching. The kids are tough, know the basic fundamentals, and are able to understand strategies. That combination is perfect because there are lots of things to teach them that you couldn't if they were younger.

Anyway, it should be a lot of fun. By the end of the game I was really getting into it. I think this will be a great opportunity for me to get some coaching experience and I'm pumped.

A PMD Petition

It's faaaar too nice outside today to be stuck inside working. Anyone who would like to stop working and go outside to play, please sign this petition.

I think once we have like....5 signatures they'll just let us all go home. For reals.

PMD

(switching it up: "random thoughts" will now just be "PMD" for short...for reals)

1) I've gone to bed around 2 every night this week and it's starting to wear on me. Sadly, despite staying up late, I still feel like I'm not getting enough things done outside of work. Oh well, that's what three-day weekends are for...oh wait, I volunteered to work on Monday. I am so smrt. *lights his diploma on fire*

2) I'm helping a friend coach soccer (under-15s) this summer and after a few weeks of waiting, I finally have the details. They practice twice a week, one of which I will always miss because of softball (even though I'm not actually playing), and have two games in May, two in June, and four in the first two weeks of July (odd schedule). I know they are playing in at least two tournaments including USA Cup, which will be awesome.

Tonight is the first game and it's going to be a bit weird. First, I haven't met any of the kids yet so they'll have no idea who the heck I am. Sweet. It's nice that I'm just an "assistant" so I can just throw in my two cents when I have something to say, but I would have liked to make it to a practice before a game so the players would vaguely know who I am. Second, I generally like to be good at whatever I'm doing and this is no exception. However, I have no idea if I can relay what I know about soccer to someone else. When I play and something goes right or wrong, I know why. If I make a mental mistake (I should have stuck with this guy, made that pass, etc) or a physical one (that guy just flew right past me, I need to adjust and give him more space), I know what I did wrong and how to fix it. I'm not sure if I can "see" what's going on and how to adjust from the sideline.

My fingers are crossed. I'm excited to get the chance to coach now because I definitely want to when I'm older and can't play, but I'm a bit nervous. :)

3) A coworker sent this semi-interesting article to me. In short, a study showed that long ring fingers and short index fingers lead to higher math/numeracy test scores. Conversely, long index fingers and short ring fingers lead to higher english/literacy.

The study involved kids, not adults, but assuming my index to ring finger ratio (not to be confused with the Randy Ratio) is the same now as it was then, I would agree with the study. I'm a numbers dork and not much fer that book larnin.

If you don't believe me, just ask this scientition! (Sadly, I can't find the Simpsons' clip that I'm referring to on YouTube...Ben, Ted? Help a brother out. Ted, in your case I guess it would have to be a brother from another mother.)

(EDIT: Ted, you rule for finding the clip. PS If I ever don't laugh when the dog bites the frisbee or the shark bites the gorilla, whoever is around has permission to punch me free of charge.)

Champions League Final: AC Milan 2, Liverpool 1

I'll have to agree with my brother and just say "Boooooo." What a crummy game. The wrong team won. I had written a bunch of complaints about the game but then found this blog on ESPN.com that summed up almost everything I had to say. Liverpool dominated most of the game, had a few good shots (Gerrard's good run inside the box but weak finish, one shot from 20 yards that went wide, Alonso's and Riise's off-target blasts , Crouch's good shot from 20 just after coming on), and made some late late late substitutions (Zenden sucks and shouldn't have been out there at all). It was frustrating to watch. Milan had one incredibly lucky play (first goal) and one good play (second goal) and that's it. They stunk up the place and still won...maybe I shouldn't point that out to Liverpool fans.

This will sound like I'm being a sore loser, but I thought it was interesting to note: I didn't watch any of the pregame coverage, but I didn't hear any mention of the Italian match fixing scandal. The scandal revolved around managers of teams having conversations with referees prior to games. A handful of teams in the Italian league (including AC Milan) were penalized severely and Milan was originally kicked out of the 06/07 Champions League tournament. The penalty was later dropped during an appeal. As Dante would say; they're not even supposed to be here today. Maybe I shouldn't point that out to Liverpool fans either.

One thing's for sure: Liverpool needs to dump some midfielders (so Gerrard can play in his natural position) and find a striker FAST. Dirk Kuyt is not good enough (from what I've seen) to be up front by himself.

(Edit: Just found this clip and it clearly shows that Kuyt was offsides. Oh well, it didn't matter anyway.)

Steven Gerrard

With the Champions League final tomorrow between Liverpool and AC Milan, I feel obligated to mention Steven Gerrard...cuz I know you all care about soccer. He's Liverpool's captain and arguably one of the top two or three midfielders in the world.

He has the ability to put a team on his back and carry them wherever they need to go. He has scored some absolutely amazing and jaw-dropping goals and I can't think of anyone who can hit a volley better than he can. Check out number 2 in this youtube collection and you'll see what I mean.

Go Liverpool! I'll be wearing my Gerrard jersey right up until softball time, when I switch my allegiance back to Team America.

Random thoughts

1) Heroes finale last night but I won't spoil it for people who haven't seen it. Skip #4 if you don't want to read my thoughts about it.

2) What's that you say? David Beckham, Landon Donovan and the other LA Galaxy dudes are playing at the Dome in October? Versus a team to be determined later? I'm there...even though I don't follow the MLS at all...and think Donovan sucks. Wait, that's Beasley.

Anyway, it should be cool. We've got upperdeck, 40yd line seats for a bit more than I'd like to pay, but whatever. If you're interested, tickets are already on sale obviously. For more info, follow me over here. For less info, read on...

3) Several new links have been added. Check 'em out if you dare.

This post made me add Pop Candy, but I'm a sucka for Mr. T jokes.

4) Ok, Heroes finale time. It was good ("Hiro, you look bad ass!") but not as good as I hoped. The "final" battle with Sylar was cool because we got to see some of the characters working together for the first time, but it lasted for about a minute and could have been so much cooler. Sooo much cooler. The characters were well established by the end of the season; show us what they can do, dang it!

Anyway, there's no way Peter and Nathan are dead and I bet Parkman "miraculously" survives taking three shots to the chest. A lot of the old bad guys are gone so hopefully Sylar hooks up with some new cronies and there are some more confrontations next season. Here's some season 2 info.

Overall, the first season was pretty darn good and is definitely worth checking out if you like the "flawed superhero" genre. (Is that even a genre? I don't know genres...or phases.)

5) Concerts, concerts, concerts. I spend too much money on concerts. Everytime I tell myself that, another concert comes along and I end up going. Oh well. They're usually a really good time and I don't doubt these three will be good: John Butler Trio, June 7th. Guster, July 22nd. Kings of Leon Chin make-up show, August 3rd.

What would we do without the internets?

1) Telnet to towel.blinkenlights.nl
2) Wait patiently for about 10 seconds.
3) Nerds, enjoy what must have taken FOREVER to make. Non-nerds, roll your eyes and move on.

Movie Reviews

Quicker, lighter post this time. I like Netflix. It's convenient, the website is easy to use and set up well. I have 199 movies in my queue right now and here are two tiny reviews of movies I banged out tonight cuz I felt like vegging.

Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill (4/5)

Very, very funny standup. If you've never heard of him and like to laugh, check him out. He has a unique delivery that I really like. Here are clips of his Church of England-Cake or Death, Stonehenge, and World War 2 bits from this show.

Annie Hall (3/5)

I don't think I'd ever seen a whole Woody Allen movie before now. This was...ok. There were a couple of chuckles and a few cute parts but mostly it was just ok. Diane Keaton made the movie. She was very...quirky and she made the scenes with Woody watchable.

Deal breakers

I didn't intend for this space to be full of posts like this one but since this is on my mind, this is what you get. Hopefully I'll be back to fun, random crap next time.

So the semi-blind date I mentioned a few days ago? It was both really, really fun (much more fun than I expected) and really, really unfortunate. As I said before, my expectations were low just to be safe, but boy did we just click. Within five minutes I was cautiously optimistic about a second date. The awkward moments were minimal and we chatted like we'd known each other for years. We said the same thing and finished each other's sentences several times. We were cracking each other up with jokes and stories and your basic chit-chat. Things were going really well.

About an hour or two in came the more serious discussions. I learned that she was not "slightly older than me" as she was described by a friend of mine, but in fact 11 years older than me. (Believe me; she neither looked nor acted like it.) At first I thought, "wow...that's quite a difference" but I tried to remain open-minded and just enjoy the evening. We were really getting along well and I decided to just give it a chance. (I'm curious: how large of an age difference is too large for you?)

Then came the second and final nail: she came right out and said that (long story short) she didn't want to have kids. Maybe that's a very, very bold first-date kind of topic, but I am grateful she brought it up sooner rather than later. The age difference was a big thing and in itself may have ended it anyway, but this was the real deal breaker. I think kids are fantastic and fascinating and I really want to raise kids of my own and be part of something like that. I think I'd make a heckuva good dad and hopefully someday I will.

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda (yeah, I just yadda yadda'd the rest of the evening) it was really, really hard to leave at the end of the night. We sat around for two semi-awkward hours that basically involved me thinking "am I doing the right thing by stopping this before it starts?" and "did I leave the iron on?" while we talked. I just couldn't come up with a polite way to say that it wouldn't work. I don't know what I was supposed to do, but I did my best and we parted ways.

As Ben Harper is telling me right now, sometimes you just have to walk away. He's right and I know it. As well as we got along, I don't think it would have been fair to her if I pretended I had no reservations when I really did. In that respect, I made the right call...but I still feel like the bad guy here. I hate that. I hate hurting people's feelings. She made it very clear how she felt about me and while I honestly was interested in her, the age difference and "no kids" was too much.

Sigh. I really didn't need another great girl I want to date but can't for one reason or another. Another "if things were different..." situation. Yet here we are and life must go on. At least I know that my dating "skill" hasn't deteriorated from years of neglect. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Hare-raising experience

Sadly the Kings of Leon show was cancelled last night due to an illness. I guess one of them had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell...and uh they didn't have one handy. Anyway, I quickly threw a Killer Bunnies game together instead.

On the way home from said game, I was driving on the onramp to 35-dub when a bunny appeared on the left half of the road. (Silly rabbit; onramps are for cars.) When I got close to it, it wisely chose to dart back across in front of my car. As I instinctively broke hard in an attempt to avoid hitting it, my brother, showing typical flawless comedic timing, let out a high-pitched "BUNNY!" when it appeared the bunny was doomed. I laughed so hard I almost didn't care that I nearly killed a poor, defenseless bunny.

Luckily I missed it by a hare...

(That's two bunny puns in one post! I can ba-hare-ly contain myself!)

Random thoughts

1) Battery may very well be my favorite Metallica song. I heard it the other night at a bar and couldn't get it out of my head.

2) I bought some new kicks yesterday. I give them about three days before they look like my old shoes lol.

3) I saw a rainbow on the way into work this morning. I haven't seen one in years. I really wanted to go find the other end because I'm certain it would have been more fun than work today even if I found this Leprechaun instead of a regular one.

4) I have a date tomorrow. No, seriously...you can stop laughing now...seriously.

It's a semi-blind date, arranged by a friend of mine. I say "semi" in the sense that we talked on the phone for about four hours the other night (good sign, right?) but I've never met her in person.

Part of me is really excited because it's a date and it's been a long time since I've been on one. (again, you can stop laughing - I know what I want and I pick my spots carefully) Part of me is really excited because she sounds very nice and a lot of fun. However, another part of me is very reluctant to go on said date because of...reasons I won't explain in this space. (Of course I'm nervous, but that's not what I'm referring to.)

Anyway, I'm going into this with my eyes open but low expectations because the answer to one question may end things before they begin. Stay tuned.

5) Because of #4: Hell clearly has frozen over! Try to remain calm. (lol I love making fun of myself)

6) My brother is coming to town today and we're going to see Kings of Leon at First Ave tonight. We saw them there a couple years ago and it was a great show even though I only knew a few of their songs. Now that I know them all, I'm really, really excited. I'm trying to keep my expectations low so a bad show becomes ok, an ok show becomes good, a good show becomes awesome, and awesome becomes superfantasgreat!

7) Since he's in town, I'm sure my brother and I will play some Killer Bunnies this weekend. If you've never played the game, I highly, highly recommend checking it out. Everyone who has played the game has wanted to play it again..and again...and again.

8) For the first day in a long, long, long time, I decided not to wear any brace or support device for my ankle/achilles. It has been giving me trouble for months and it felt good this morning so I'm winging it. *crosses fingers*

9) This is the first time in several weeks when I've had "happy feet." No, I'm not referring to that animated movie about penguins. When I get excited about something, usually soccer, music or in anticipation of something fun - I get happy feet. My feet can't stop moving and it almost always means I'll have a good day. Right now, I'm "air drumming" with my feet to some Kings of Leon. Things are looking good!

If oversleeping was an Olympic sport...

I would have won the gold today. When I woke up, I stretched, looked at the clock and saw that it read "7:33." I popped up, hopped in the shower, got ready and was out the door by 7:48. Not bad, especially since I got to work on-time to boot. It's good to be a guy. (Good thing it was "Donut Day" at work so I didn't starve.)

This happens about once every six months: my alarm either goes off and I shut it off and fall back to sleep or it just doesn't go off. The sad part is that I have two alarm clocks set 10-20 minutes apart to prevent this...and it still happens occasionally lol. The problem is that any button I hit on the alarm turns the alarm off but only snooze makes it go off again...which if you think about it, is a really poor design.

I'm pretty sure when this happens I'm just turning off the alarm, but I'd love to see a video of me waking up, walking across the room, turning off my alarm and boldly going back to sleep. I think that would be hilarious.

Don't you hate it when...

You're reminded that the world is not as safe as you would like to think it is? Well I sure do. I learned that a friend was mugged last night while walking to her car in what I've always assumed is a relatively safe area. Not super safe, but certainly not a "bad" neighborhood.

I would love to rule the world someday. Don't get me wrong: I rule, but only a small amount of space around me. Anyway, I would put the muggers, rapists, murderers and anyone else I don't like on an island and let 'em have at it. They can do whatever they want to to each other, but leave the law-abiding people alone. Just a thought.

It would be nice if you were able to walk around at night and never have to worry something bad might happen to you, but unfortunately things like this remind me that the world isn't always a nice place. As my dad says, "keep you wits about you" (I guess that's "old person" for "like...be aware of your surroundings...and stuff") and this is just another reminder to always do so.

Easier said than done

Every once in a while, something occurs in your life that is completely out of your control. It could be something big or something small, but regardless, there is nothing you can do or could have done to change it. I'm trying to think of a good analogy, but I can't.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I've told people on many different occasions "you can't worry about ____ because it's out of your hands" and that has sounded like good advice. Why worry about something you can't change, right? Well, now that it's my turn to tell myself the same thing all I want to do is tell myself to shut up. I know I need to listen to my own advice but that's easier said than done.

PS Just so I don't have a completely negative post, I'll leave you with singing hamsters and dancing badgers.

Deep Thoughts

Travel with me to a time and place when SNL was consistently funny. I know, I know; we would have to go back in time ten thousand years and go to Fantasyland, right? Wrong! SNL was funny in the 90s and one of the things that always made me laugh were the "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" bits. Some of them are so random that it feels wrong not to link them here:

Deep Thoughts

Honestly, if you don't find these funny I don't think we can be friends.

PS No, I'm not sure why I thought of these, but I did. You'll thank me later.

Feliz cumpleanos

That's right: yesterday was my birthday and it was a pretty good day. My family and I celebrated it a few days ago while my brother was in town, but yesterday was the real deal. My brother called me before work, my dad sent me a very, very nice email during the day, and both of my parents called me after work. It doesn't get much better than that for me, but I don't make a big deal about my birthday. Sure the clock struck twenty-eight, which is strange because I wasn't aware a clock went that high, but other than that it was just another day for me.

Dear Magic 8-ball, will my 29th year be super-fantas-great? Signs point to yes.

What are you doing with that?

This!

Welcome to Purple Monkey Dishwashers; your home for randomness with a 60% chance of hilarity. Check back whenever you feel like it and there might be something new to read. I make no promises so get off my back.

PS: I might as well get this out of the way. If you have no idea what PMD is from, check this out.