Deal breakers

I didn't intend for this space to be full of posts like this one but since this is on my mind, this is what you get. Hopefully I'll be back to fun, random crap next time.

So the semi-blind date I mentioned a few days ago? It was both really, really fun (much more fun than I expected) and really, really unfortunate. As I said before, my expectations were low just to be safe, but boy did we just click. Within five minutes I was cautiously optimistic about a second date. The awkward moments were minimal and we chatted like we'd known each other for years. We said the same thing and finished each other's sentences several times. We were cracking each other up with jokes and stories and your basic chit-chat. Things were going really well.

About an hour or two in came the more serious discussions. I learned that she was not "slightly older than me" as she was described by a friend of mine, but in fact 11 years older than me. (Believe me; she neither looked nor acted like it.) At first I thought, "wow...that's quite a difference" but I tried to remain open-minded and just enjoy the evening. We were really getting along well and I decided to just give it a chance. (I'm curious: how large of an age difference is too large for you?)

Then came the second and final nail: she came right out and said that (long story short) she didn't want to have kids. Maybe that's a very, very bold first-date kind of topic, but I am grateful she brought it up sooner rather than later. The age difference was a big thing and in itself may have ended it anyway, but this was the real deal breaker. I think kids are fantastic and fascinating and I really want to raise kids of my own and be part of something like that. I think I'd make a heckuva good dad and hopefully someday I will.

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda (yeah, I just yadda yadda'd the rest of the evening) it was really, really hard to leave at the end of the night. We sat around for two semi-awkward hours that basically involved me thinking "am I doing the right thing by stopping this before it starts?" and "did I leave the iron on?" while we talked. I just couldn't come up with a polite way to say that it wouldn't work. I don't know what I was supposed to do, but I did my best and we parted ways.

As Ben Harper is telling me right now, sometimes you just have to walk away. He's right and I know it. As well as we got along, I don't think it would have been fair to her if I pretended I had no reservations when I really did. In that respect, I made the right call...but I still feel like the bad guy here. I hate that. I hate hurting people's feelings. She made it very clear how she felt about me and while I honestly was interested in her, the age difference and "no kids" was too much.

Sigh. I really didn't need another great girl I want to date but can't for one reason or another. Another "if things were different..." situation. Yet here we are and life must go on. At least I know that my dating "skill" hasn't deteriorated from years of neglect. So I got that going for me, which is nice.